jan 31 2008

Cheeseburger in a can

Wow, a new candidate for my list of Gross food around the world came buzzing by: a cheeseburger in a can! An actual product. Made in Switzerland.
The principle is simple: a cheeseburger in a can, you heat the can, take the cheeseburger out, and eat it. Purpose: for picknicks and outdoor eating. Serve me one, and I’d die on the spot, I would imagine.
Just follow the Digg-discussion and you know: this is the end of humanity as we know it. Just look at the actual product, eaten by somebody, not the P.R.-picture that actually looks like a decent burger, and you know that humanity has already died and gone to hell and it was yesterday.

Actually there is a product that is almost as gross as this one, and it is sold in Belgium too: cheeseburger in a plastic box. For sale at Delhaize, but other supermarkets have variants of it just as vile. It’s sold “fresh”, not frozen, yet it can be kept in the fridge for at least a month. That alone should raise some eyebrows as to the chemical content.
It’s a piece of bread that would love the name “bun” but is actually not even worthy of the name “sponge”, a piece of meat that would love the name “hamburger” but is actually not even worthy of the name “spam”, and a piece of cheese that would love the name “cheddar”, but is actually not even worthy of the name “chemical waste”.
You heat it up in the microwave in 30 seconds, and in that short amount of time the yellowish cheese instantly turns into a translucently yellow oily film on the burger, which soaks the bun and makes the whole thing “mushy mushy” (or “muschi muschi” as Peter van de Veire would say) and just foul.
The positive thing is that it looks like a burger.
The negative thing is that I once tried to eat one. Never again, I swear. No amount of ketchup of any other taste-enhancer could salvage the foul taste that “thing” oozes.

Even worse, I served my boy the other one. He didn’t like it either. But if he later is found to have holes in his brain or a burnt-away intestines or other internal permanent damage, I’ll remember the day I served hime those vile cheeseburgers.

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